Hi all! ♡
Finally, a chance to have some intimate time with my laptop and my own thoughts which I have settled on one and one purpose only: to write. Most of times when I’d think coming home would mean adjusting to everything “new” about myself and I and how much I’ve changed, at some parts I realized I haven’t really changed that much. I still eat everything with soy sauce which I undeniably cherish with all my heart my mind and soul. I still know how to use our awesome old funky stove in the kitchen and I still boil my water the same way I always do. And just like that teeny-tiny little things, I also still find myself putting off things until later, which in this case, is writing. My my. Such an old habit…
And recently I’ve been busy spending my time with my family and friends that I haven’t seen for 3 years. especially having quality time with my family, especially my brothers and sisters, rekindling our bond and relationship. I also enjoyed quality time with my friends. We recently had a small reunion, just me and the girls. It was so nice hanging out with them. We shared and exchanged stories, and rekindling our primary school memories. How time flies..
It’s been an exact month since I planted my feet back to the place where they took their very first steps. Indonesia. My home country. Jakarta. My hometown.
It’s amazing to see such a change in three years. Reverse culture shock. Lots of new places, new stores, new fashion, new lifestyles, new ways of talking, new slangs, new everything. It surprised me way beyond belief. Especially the traffic we now have! It’s crazy I must say… but you can’t expect something to stay the same forever. I guess some changes are meant to happen, so I shall not complain and reject the reality because who am I to deny the world? Okay my thoughts are going to random places now, I’m starting to forget what I was going to write at the first place.
The first month was always, always, siempre, the toughest.
Mostly because this kind of feeling we international students have, which I feel is sort of personal. It’s our secret, our experience. Our own tears and laughter, our own inside jokes, our own pain and glee, our very own snickers, our very own smirk and glare, our own everything. It’s our thing. It’s our possession. It’s something we have deep inside and nothing like anybody else can feel. It’s something that is ours.
I’m way beyond happy when it comes to me recounting every single story to my curious friends, remembering and reliving each and every moment over and over again, make them brand new each time, for stories like this never gets old. But the existence of this extraordinary particular chapter of the “book” which contains the mixture of emotions only international students feel is inevitable, in which I try not to let myself drown easily as I narrate it to my friends.
This chapter, so special it’s exclusively sealed and locked with the key only we international students keep. But I’m so blessed for having special friends to exchange these special kinds of feeling with. For they understand it by heart just like the back of their hands. They understand it like nobody else would. And sometimes, to have someone understands without necessarily having them to say anything back is more than enough.
I guess no matter how obvious the fact that we have physically left the place we once were so attached to, we never completely left. At least not mentally. Our hearts and minds and souls will still wander around everywhere, and it’s not something that we can easily pull ourselves away from. I’m fully aware of the actuality that I still feel Waupaca everyday in my heart and how I still want myself to be involved in its everyday life. I never deny that. Who would ever want to deny that? Now here’s the thing: it’s bittersweet. Though I wish I can leave the bitter part. But hey, in order to know what sweet tastes like you first have to acquaint yourself with bitterness 🙂
So everyday now to me is learning all over again. Accepting all over again. Observing all over again. Challenges all over again. Adventures all over again.
Your one and only,